Me, myself and I.

My daughter's school admission finally came through two days back after being on a waiting list for 8 months ...

So what is so great about the occasion? I'll tell you. It is no less than a life changing moment for me. That's what is...

This post is not about how I'm going to miss her when she goes to school.

Although I will, immensely but i'm going to be more selfish here and talk about what it means to me, myself and I.

This post is on behalf of all those women who love their career almost 

as much as they love their family but have to sacrifice one for the other.

It has been 4 years since i stepped into 'my' office. Motherhood has been awesome but

I cannot deny that i have longed to create my professional identity.

I know many of my friends who are content doing their household chores. 

I admire them immensely. They've had similar dreams as mine but had no qualms 

ending it and taking on the role of a family woman in a jiffy.

They've remained content, happy and totally at ease.

And Yes, i've asked them personally and they've all assured me that they are perfectly happy.

With all my heart I wished for a similar change in me.

I wished for it because it would then make so many things easy for me. Constant battle within me would stop for  a start. I wouldn't feel that the whole world is moving on without me....

'Change' never came....

I always wanted more out of life. 

I wanted more from me. 

I wanted to make money.

 I wanted to climb the corporate ladder. 

I, I, I, it never stopped. 

I know a few mothers who have their family members at home to take care of their baby,

or appoint a nanny and start where they left off. Pick up their professional life and move on.

I admire them too. They are so sure of what they want more and i'm sure they've had some

hard decision-making moments but in the end found their balance. 

I could not do that too.

I could not imagine leaving my darling with someone. I always thought I was the best for her.

Nobody did a better job than i. Who will feed her like i do? Who will love her like i do for most part of the day? Nobody! 

All i could do is wait for my little darling to grow up a little and start her journey on her own.

No longer searching for her mother's eye looking for her approval,

no longer running to her arms every time somebody starts to pick on her.

(She throws her own punches nowadays :))

Yesterday i took her to her new 'school to-be' and introduced her to her teacher Ms. K and her class. She joined them without looking back.

She sat down and started painting with a brush that was given to her. After about 10 mins she joined an exercise class and performed pretty well. All the while i was standing in a corner watching her in her new second home. She was happy. That's all that mattered. And Ms. K and her class took to her pretty well too. She already had a chinese friend (a boy, might i add!)

Now, my journey begins, once again. I wish I had her courage to join the world without looking back....

Wish me luck :)