Friday, February 29, 2008

Me, myself and I.

My daughter's school admission finally came through two days back after being on a waiting list for 8 months ...
So what is so great about the occasion? I'll tell you. It is no less than a life changing moment for me. That's what is...
This post is not about how I'm going to miss her when she goes to school.
Although I will, immensely but i'm going to be more selfish here and talk about what it means to me, myself and I.
This post is on behalf of all those women who love their career almost 
as much as they love their family but have to sacrifice one for the other.

It has been 4 years since i stepped into 'my' office. Motherhood has been awesome but
I cannot deny that i have longed to create my professional identity.
I know many of my friends who are content doing their household chores. 
I admire them immensely. They've had similar dreams as mine but had no qualms 
ending it and taking on the role of a family woman in a jiffy.
They've remained content, happy and totally at ease.
And Yes, i've asked them personally and they've all assured me that they are perfectly happy.
With all my heart I wished for a similar change in me.
I wished for it because it would then make so many things easy for me. Constant battle within me would stop for  a start. I wouldn't feel that the whole world is moving on without me....
'Change' never came....
I always wanted more out of life. 
I wanted more from me. 
I wanted to make money.
 I wanted to climb the corporate ladder. 
I, I, I, it never stopped. 

I know a few mothers who have their family members at home to take care of their baby,
or appoint a nanny and start where they left off. Pick up their professional life and move on.
I admire them too. They are so sure of what they want more and i'm sure they've had some
hard decision-making moments but in the end found their balance. 
I could not do that too.
I could not imagine leaving my darling with someone. I always thought I was the best for her.
Nobody did a better job than i. Who will feed her like i do? Who will love her like i do for most part of the day? Nobody! 
All i could do is wait for my little darling to grow up a little and start her journey on her own.
No longer searching for her mother's eye looking for her approval,
no longer running to her arms every time somebody starts to pick on her.
(She throws her own punches nowadays :))

Yesterday i took her to her new 'school to-be' and introduced her to her teacher Ms. K and her class. She joined them without looking back.
She sat down and started painting with a brush that was given to her. After about 10 mins she joined an exercise class and performed pretty well. All the while i was standing in a corner watching her in her new second home. She was happy. That's all that mattered. And Ms. K and her class took to her pretty well too. She already had a chinese friend (a boy, might i add!)

Now, my journey begins, once again. I wish I had her courage to join the world without looking back....

Wish me luck :)

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Today is a special day....

Today is a special day for me. Why?? mmm......
Valentine's day just went by. 
I wanted to write something appropriate, something about love etc.
But it stopped with 'wanting to'....
I saw many blogs that day that had their post featured on 'Love'
Some approving of the day and feeling perfectly normal about the celebration.
Few others calling it a marketing strategy to sell all those over-priced love-goods...
Some on the history of St.Valentine and others on the impact this day has on present day India.
I read, liked and approved everything... :)
But today Feb 26 2008 is special day for me because i was reintroduced to the feeling of love with simple comic strips by a fellow blogger. I read most of the strips early in the morning and truly felt the innocent feeling that overwhelms you when you love someone....
Thank you 'sunshine'
She has posted many but here is one whimsical one...

Want more of it click right here.
Go.... fall in love. And enjoy the fall ;)

Friday, February 22, 2008


It is snowing heavily here people. Yipee! It is just so beautiful.
It's white, it's pure and it is wild! That is the best part.
Being pure and wild. 
Guess what it reminds me of?
The Sun!
I know. It's odd. I think Tanya gets her fixation on Sun from me.... 
But i just can't help it. I miss that bright, shiny guy today.
So i thought i could post something bright and beautiful.

This was shot at Highway 1, San Francisco. 
Isn't it beautiful? My dream drive. My dream shot.
The Mountain, the sea, the bridge, the sky, and the road- all in one shot. 
I clicked it during my California visit last december.
I first heard about it in a movie....
'Shawshank Redemption', one of the few masterpieces that Hollywood has delivered.
Tim Robbins talks about 'hope' to Morgan Freeman and describes a place much like the one above. 
You hear something like that and you realise all of a sudden how beautiful the world you are living in, actually is! I wanted to see what it feels like to have mountain to your left and the Pacific to your right and move with the wind and watch the sunset as if there were no tomorrow..... 
I did.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Cold Logic

Last week one of my friends was telling me that her son
refused to get out of his spiderman suit for 3 whole days!
While i was very empathetic to her plight i couldn't help but think how and why she 
couldn't convince her 5 year old son to get out of that suit. 
I would, i thought.

What do you think happened to me the next day?
My daughter refuses to get into her jacket when we have to go grocery shopping!
She has been doing it for a week now.
Refusing to wear a winter jacket! 
so how do i solve it?

I ask her "Why don't you get into your jacket?"
She: " I just don't want to"
Me: "Why? You tell me what the problem is and i'll solve it"
She: (pause) " I just don't want to. I don't want to go shopping!"
You see when it comes to my daughter and her world, all her problems have one definite solution...... LOLLIPOP :)

Mention of that magic word brings everything back to normalcy.
The 'lollipop phenomenon' worked for 3 days but on day 4 it lost its charm.
Although i could coerce her into getting into her jacket she would be fidgeting through out our shopping and our short walk back home.

Day 5: Nothing works. Lollipop, story time, singing, anger .... nothing works.
I drop our shopping trip and play with her instead.

Day 6: It is 5.30 p.m. Ran out of milk, yogurt, vegetables. I have to go shopping.
I start dressing her up and she knows. Starts her tantrum and even manages to spill a few tear drops...... This time i ask her all kinds of questions and finally she begins to tell me why?

me: I'm listening. Just tell me what it is...
she: Well. It's the Sun.
me: (Thinking.. what the hell!!) 
        Ok. What about the Sun?

She: (Looks very Surprised at my question!)  
C'mon mom, you know how when we enter the shop the Sun is shining bright and when we  come out it's gone! You always hide the Sun after our shopping trip. And i love Sun.

Me: I try my best to stop from bursting out laughing..
Tanya, you must know that our shopping has got nothing to do with the Sun. It goes to sleep precisely when it means to!

She is not convinced, but i tell her a few Sun stories and take her shopping.
And when we come out, she is absolutely right! The Sun is gone :)

What do i conclude.... 
Most of the problems can be solved by slurping a lollipop....(Yes it really does work!)
I'm more powerful than Zeus or Surya Dev! (Personally, I like this bit:))
I spend way too much time shopping!
My daughter has logical + Imaginative brain.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Take a look....

For the first time here, I'm going to post My Work.

It is a story. It is long. Take your time to read. Would love to hear what you guys think. I saw ceedy's post today and thought I could put something across too. So it begins.... :)

Ubertur - An insignificant story

Ubertur was an arrogant, self-opinionated, proud girl.

Yet, this story is not about the girl. It is about a loss, a loss of a grand tradition in the life of Colors. YES. Red, blue, white, black, green, pink, rose, yellow, purple, orange, brown and all other million hues and shades that reside in our world lost something wonderful on this tragic day. And it was all because of that arrogant, self-opinionated, proud girl named Ubertur.

Now Ubertur was a color also. The most beautiful color ever made. We don't remember her now because of what is to happen today.

It all started on a dreamy day, which looked deceivingly normal with its usual comings and goings until the sky started getting dark and then darker as the minutes passed by. It was strange. There was no cloud hiding the Sun. It was not the usual light blue turning to dark blue and gray. Instead, the sky started rearranging the shades of blue. Moving dark here and light there. There was no order. The sky was starting to look like a giant-blue-patchy-quilt. There was no graceful movement and merging from light to dark, only absolute disarray of the sky. But you see that was precisely the sign.

Ezegeros' was about to start. Yes. That was what it was called. Ezegeros - the color phenomenon'. Even though this phenomenon will sound strange to us humans, it has been happening for ages. The colors were holding their breath to what was to come next. You see the colors wait a thousand years in the human count for this single day.

By now this shocking sky show had obviously caught the attention of men, animals, birds and all other beings that had cared to look skywards. Those who saw were shocked, scared and confused. Then, they all foolishly waited, perhaps for an explanation. As if nature owed it to them. But then, here again I have to remind you that we are not here to discuss human behavior. We are not to digress from the phenomenon itself! So, absolutely nothing could've prepared them for what happened next.

The sky broke.

The patchy blues started falling from the sky. First, the darker shades and then the lighter ones. They fell like hailstorm and started a swirl like movement in mid-air. A whirlwind like shape with the darker shades at the bottom swirling at top speed and lighter ones joining in. It was most amazing because if one had been audacious enough to stand for a minute and watch, it would have been obvious that the blues' were having fun! They looked absolutely thrilled. There was nothing scary in their movements, they were dancing, swirling, twirling, twisting, jumping andwell, swirling again.

The first whirl of Ezegeros. One day of absolute freedom. The one' day when colors tear themselves from all objects. The only day when Nature shuts her eyes and lets her colors enjoy.

The blues' from the sky, the greens' from the trees, the browns' from the sand and all other zillion odd colors tore themselves from a zillion odd objects and were zooming from all over the world with a kind of impetus fury, either to join a whirl or create their own whirl or simply drift from object to object. Totally meaningless. Absolutely chaotic. The colors were at their creative best. They skipped, hopped and jumped from object to object. They made sure nothing looked the same for more than a minute. By now most objects were colorless or were visible for a minute and were always finding themselves dressed in the oddest of colors. They were overjoyed with the kind of confusion and shock waves they were causing.

But Nature had her responsibilities. She had to make sure that the thinking world kept their sanity. This included men, animals, birds and other unlucky ones thrown in. So She closed their eyes, froze their mind and body and erased their memory as She always did on this particular day. The rest of the world of course was partying, except our girl Ubertur.

In the world known to us, if one used Ubertur while painting, they will find a crystal-like color fill the space. She had the most unique crystalline look. It was so deceiving that when used cunningly she was often mistaken for crystal wears. Ubertur could also be mixed with other colors and they instantly formed crystal green, crystal yellow, crystal red and so on. But of course any color once touched by Ubertur almost never wanted to go back to its original form. She enhanced only the best in them with the kind of crystal strokes and shades only she knew how. A few colors envied her but most were in love. And they loved her with absolute certainty. Her beauty you see surpassed far above her arrogance. She was never known to have joined the Ezegeros party. The proud maiden felt it was beneath her to join the crowd.

Ubertur as stately as ever started drifting in a kind of slow rhythm as if a melody was engaging her ears only. She saw the crowd getting bigger in every whirl. World was becoming colorless once again. She couldn't fathom the crowd's excitement. After all, it wasn't the first time Ezegeros' was happening. The same old tricks everywhere, the crowd was getting sillier by the minute as, they were running out of ideas to amuse themselves.

She could never bring herself to join them'. This time she had ideas of her own. Ubertur had decided to deceive Nature. Yes. She'd leave. It was time she traveled beyond the boundaries of Earth. Forbidden or not. She wanted to see newer things, experience newer objects and see for herself if she stirred the kind of response in a foreign ground, a different universe or perhaps in an alien medium as she did here. As these ideas started to take form, an unfamiliar fluttery feeling caught her. It felt like as if a million bubbles were rising in her stomach waiting to erupt any moment. She found it hard to contain herself. She almost shouted her plans aloud. After this difficult moment passed by, she concluded that this journey was meant for her. And only her. Just like her flurry of thoughts all her crystal colors from around the world started zooming into her whirl. She was summoning them for a grand entry into the new world. As her whirl grew bigger, all other whirls, big, small, tiny stood absolutely still watching her dance, twirl, twist, swirl. It flipped the heart of every single color watching this butterfly dance. So graceful, so unique, almost mystical. After this unbeatable performance she rose up in the air, touched the empty sky, all the layers that came after and poof! vanished into nothingness. Just like that. Never to be seen again.

It must've been the 1055th Ezegeros had the tradition continued. But without the return of Ubertur, Nature forbid Ezegeros from ever happening again. The colors had begged, gotten angry, grown pathetic arguing that it isn't their fault that she fled. But Nature was very firm. Nature you see was not always fair. She had laid the rules and somebody from their clan had broken it. There was no repair. Without Ubertur the colors had lost their privilege.

As for Ubertur no one knew what became of her. Initially the colors had wondered but then had grown so angry that none cared anymore. Except Black. He had loved her the most. He often secretly wondered even to this day why she had done it. Why she had left a place where she was almost worshiped. Was she enjoying her position elsewhere? Was there a Raphael or Da Vinci giving her a new look? Only black had expanded well enough to look for her beyond this world. And he did, every single day.

Men, animals, birds and the few unlucky ones thrown in had no knowledge of what they had lost. Their memory had been erased. Ubertur was forgotten. And like Ubertur, Ezegeros was forgotten. Ever since, the colors have stayed where they've always stayed. Remembering their party every once in a while. A legend. A myth. An insignificant story.

Monday, February 11, 2008


I'm not very disciplined. 
As in, not as disciplined as i'd like to be. 
All around me i see people doing their chores in time.
You know, 
Cooking in time.
Sleeping in time.
Eating in time.
Reaching office in/on time. 
Doing their everyday things with ease.
People take all these things for granted.
I don't.
I'm not one of those people. 
I have never been.
I'd rather sit and read a book without proper food the whole day living on juices and cereals.
I have never done this but i sure wish i could!

I'm fed up with rushing things the last minute
I'm fed up wishing for someone else to do all the work.
I want to change......

This was me Three months back.  

Now i seem to manage everything.
And doing it with ease.
It all started with one single disciplined practice a day.

I started lighting the diya everyday at a stipulated time.

You know after 10 days of this i started feeling guilty if i hadn't.
Maybe because God was involved.... I don't know. 
I don't think that was the only reason. Just that i felt i had let myself down.
After this daily ritual, my disciplined behaviour slowly started seeping into other everyday chores without me knowing it. That's the best part.
There was no struggle, no need for encouraging words, just easy movement with least resistance.

Happy disciplined Preethi, I like her this way :)

Friday, February 08, 2008

Care to have your coffee with me? :)

View from my balcony.

This is something i wake up to every morning.
And i'm not sure if i'm proud to be in a place where i can see such beauty or if i just enjoy the sunlight that graces every single building and lights them in a way that only the Sun can.
Maybe a mixture of both....

I have my own set of prejudices even though i resolve not to have any!
Such was the one where i believed the best Sunrise would be the one you'd see on a mountain
and the best sunset is one you see on the sea.

How wrong I was!

I see my Sun rising from behind all these tall buildings in The New York City.
Sipping my coffee gazing at The Empire State moving to Chrysler holding it on the other buildings there... It is pure Bliss .... I sure wish that crane wasn't there though :)

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Our Family Portrait

Here it comes.......
My daughter has successfully graduated from dots, triangle, circle, square, lines, suns, moons to people, people!
What she had been learning for the past few days came together in this portrait!
Although she wanted to incorporate the shape 'pentagon' somewhere, after much deliberation concluded that it doesn't fit here and dropped the idea.

Left to right: Tanya and Mommy.

I got the camera clicked a few ones and now i asked her where her dad is.
She started saying 'at office' but realised that she had not been thoughtful enough. Ahem..... Looked guilty for a while and searched for the chalk to complete the family portrait while i went back to my computer. Here is the finished product....

I was super thrilled and clapped my hands but did you notice the poor one-legged dad? he heee
I asked her after she had basked in her glory about the missing leg.....
She started looking for the chalk again but stopped for a second, looked at her work and said

"It's behind my leg"
I considered her explanation and asked her how her dad's big leg would stay hidden behind Tanya's small one? .... Now she knew she was stumped or so i thought, she looked at me and said
"Well. It is MY drawing and i've hidden it!"

I had to give it to her :)

Friday, February 01, 2008

There is all these fleeting thoughts that pass by.
It doesn't stay long enough for me to probe into it....
maybe they have this desire to keep it that way.

like the small feeling that comes when you smell old books,
like the thoughts that come when you see a black and white photo,
like the feelings that rush into you when you hear old songs,
like the thoughts when you listen to an alien tongue that rustles like a maiden's skirt....

I wish i could capture it somehow, but it just seems like an impossible task 
It is raining outside right now,
and i know it gives me a distinct feeling, 
something lost and gained
yet i do not know what it is.

how i love this mind, this heart of mine which knows so many words 
but yet refuses to word it 
how this feeling keeps growing
how many scenes from the past, from the movies, from the books pass by every fleeting minute.
like a jar full of mud
pouring very very slowly,
there is a beauty in this rhythm,
there is a love hidden somewhere,
she peeps out now and then, how i love her games

that's it 
the moment has passed, i cannot pen down anymore.

Review..... here it comes

Has anyone seen what the letterhead of Rastrapathi Bhavan looks like? I have..... ;) That of 1969...

To all those who have been following the story and others, of the comment of the author Tahir Rahman in my blog when i previewed his book previously, here is the update...

Well, Tahir Rahman kept his promise and sent me a signed copy of his fantastic book sometime last week :) I was super thrilled of course but took some time to read through the book to write the promised review....

I'm going to be honest here ..... what do you think i did first when i got the book.....

I first flipped the pages to get to the part of the goodwill letters from the countries to the astronauts and landed right on what India had written... :)
There it was, a typed letter from Rashtrapathi Bhavan signed by Indira Gandhi!!
I was all WOW. I have never seen a Rashtrapathi Bhavan letter-head before you see.
I then flipped and flipped to all the other neighbouring countries that held my interests to see what they'd all written. There were photographs of scores of letters handwritten and signed by leaders we've only read in history books! It was an amazing experience for me.

As always I have my personal favorite ....
The letter from Ivory Coast. It was so beautiful. Here is the excerpt...

"..............I hope also that he would tell the Moon how beautiful it is when it illuminates the nights of Ivory Coast.
I especially wish that he would turn towards our planet Earth and cry out how insignificant the problems which torture men are, when viewed from up there.'.....

Felix Houphouet-Boigny
Isn't it just lovely....

I then started all over again from the beginning. The quality of the book is just amazing. As in..... the photographs, personal interviews with Neil Armstrong ..... I lived it all. There is so much information in this book and yet all of it comes with a touch of human hand.
Whether anybody is interested in history or space or books... it doesn't matter. It is a treasure that one would be proud to own....